One of the rarely talked about frustrations dealing with Crohn’s (and I imagine any chronic illness) is the anxiety of when your next flare is going to hit. Can you make those plans next week or next month? Can I make a plan to take a trip next year?
Will my next flare result in a few more pills? A complete medication change? Surgery?
Will I have to take time off work? How long? Will I have the time to plan?
How will it affect my family’s plans? My friends plans?
Will I just feel icky for a few days? Will I be curled up in a ball of pain and fatigue for weeks? Do I have to get more of my insides chopped out and have to deal with surgery recovery?
Some folks might say, “don’t worry” but considering I’ve had 4 surgeries in the past 6 years, “don’t worry” isn’t a good course of action.
My disease has started acting up again recently which makes me extremely disgruntled. I’m aching in places I haven’t ached in a while and I’m bleeding from places that shouldn’t be bleeding. My output is changing. From my past experiences, I know that by the time I start having symptoms, my immune system has been trashing my insides for a bit.
I’m trying to get in with my doctor this week but the anxiety is awful. What will they find? What will I need to do? Can we just change meds? How many med options are left for me at this point? I really, REALLY do not want another surgery right now. I feel like I have finally started feeling “normal” after the last one I had in 2016 (which took a lot longer to fully heal/recover from than I expected).
So, right now I’m just a ball of anxiety. Not quite as amusing as I usually try to be because I’m mostly just trying to not curl up in a ball, rock back & forth, and cry right now.
I know we’ll get it worked out but the waiting and not knowing what the heck is going on is awful. And wondering how long I have until the next flare.